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Sounds perfect Wahhhh, I don’t wanna
calysto1395
sharkodactyl

do you want to see a movie where you have no idea what is going on for the first forty-five minutes? jupiter ascending is the film for you! other highlights include:

  • a ten minute long spaceship fight with no context or purpose, which destroys a city. “no one will remember” channing tatum growls as they leave the city, as if youtube does not exist
  • “here’s a latke for you, bitch”
  • someone using a menstrual pad as a bandage by slapping the sticky part onto the wound, leaving the actual blood-absorbing part just kind of…waving around
  • actors chewing the scenery so hard i’m surprised beautifully over-constructed bits of space metal aren’t just falling out of their mouths
  • a man trying to shoot thousands of bees in the middle of a cornfield
  • a gun that makes dog noises. it barks. the gun barks. 
  • oedipus complexes so beautifully twisted and terrible that you will spend half the movie mouthing “oh my god” to yourself
  • related to that, the climactic line of the movie is “i’m not your damn mother,” so take that as you will
  • a breathtakingly gorgeous and complex universe used as a background for a romance between woman and a man. granted, the man is a wolf angel. but still.
  • I CREATE LIVES……………….
  • [whispers] and destroy them
sharkodactyl

no i’m sorry i have to keep going

  • “bees can sense royalty”
  • mila kunis having the powerful realization partway through that she is a furry, an epiphany that changes her life
  • “i love dogs” she whispers, eyes wide
  • SPACE BUREAUCRACY. A MONTAGE THAT IS JUST SPACE BUREAUCRACY. THEY FILL OUT SPACE FORMS. IN SPACE.
  • “bees can sense royalty”
  • channing tatum, shirtless in the void of space
  • a room FILLED WITH CANDLES
  • soylent green nectar…….is…………….peeeeoplllle
  • “bees can sense royalty”
  • sean bean’s apparent daughter, who shows up onscreen for a minute and a half, leaves to get supplies for dinner, and never comes back
  • yeah sean bean is in this too i didn’t believe it either
  • “bees can sense royalty”
  • a space wedding. it’s just like an earth wedding. BUT IN SPACE
  • mila kunis’ character’s name is jupiter
  • yes i am dead serious about this
  • she spends most of the movie falling
  • they really should have called it “jupiter descending” because that’s all she does
  •  
  • “bees can sense royalty”
Source: sharkodactyl

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fullmetalgallifreyan
ohmygod-your-grandma-just

“Moin Moin- what’s up?
Everything ok? How late is it?
Almost nine o’clock- okay.
I’ll get started, getting breakfast,
Turn on the walkman, close the front door,
Walk through the street, up to the shop,
There they have the best bagels in town,
At the counter I can take a look into today’s newspaper:
Something about a major offensive,
Tons of bombs on a small city,
Many people died,
It was extinguished in just one night,
I pay and leave the bakery,
still hearing the news speaker talking:
“The situation got worse; fantastic weather today”
Suddenly there’s a bang, 1000 shards everywhere,
The neighbor’s cat got hit in a car accident,
Seeing it can spoil your mood
What is this thing thinking to die right in front of my eyes?

What an absolutly crazy show,
on TV and radio,
the sun is smiling gleefully,
on days like these…
Nobody tells me why,
at breakfast or dinner,
The questions bore so mercyless,
on days like these…

UNICEF estimates that a million people are threatened to starve,
While I just cut my healthy fruits with the Mulinex,
I see a child with a fly in it’s sad eyes,
I know that this is really cruel, it’s sh*t,
Dude, I don’t feel anything,
What happend to me, how is this possible?
Maybe I’ve seen it too often, it’s on TV almost daily,
But why can’t it scare me anymore
When people die miserably because of polluted water?
This dumb feeling, this emptiness in my head
Something like this can never happen to us, but what if it did?
The questions torment me, I can’t stand this sh*t anymore
They have nothing to eat over there and I feel like having stones in my stomach

What an absolutly crazy show,
on TV and radio,
the sun is smiling gleefully,
on days like these…
Nobody tells me why,
at breakfast or dinner,
The questions bore so mercyless,
on days like these…

What did he just say on such a normal Saturday,
A brutal attack happened in a brutish way,
In which six people died, the wounded cry names,
Those horrible actions won’t let me fall asleep now
I still see the picture on TV in front of my eyes,
A young man stands there in the dust,
Begging for child and wife,
Now I ask myself how it feels like to loose a child,
Even before it celebrated its very first birthday,
But that is beyond my imagination,
Maybe they were assassins full of hate for their enemy,
Maybe they loved their family or they were fathers too,
Sometimes when I see the news something strange happens to me,
Because we are parents now as well,
we brought a child into this word,
Then suddenly I get terrified that something could happen to us,
To loose the loved ones, that this happens in reality,
In the middle of the night I wake up, bathed in persipration,
I go to the bed of my daughter and hear how she silently breathes.

What an absolutly crazy show,
on TV and radio,
the sun is smiling gleefully,
on days like these…
Nobody tells me why,
at breakfast or dinner,
The questions bore so mercyless,
on days like these…

What an absolutly crazy show,
on TV and radio,
the sun is smiling gleefully,
I can’t shake of the images,
at breakfast or dinner,
and nobody can tell me why.”

“An Tagen wie diesen”, Fettes Brot, 2008


This is one of the sickest, most disturbing (but nevertheless fantastic) songs I’ve listened to in all my life. Just read those lyrics and you’ll know why…  German music isn’t just  Rammstein.

Source: ohmygod-your-grandma-just
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